I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
