It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
My vagina is officially offended.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
