I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
