it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
