I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
