It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
