i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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