You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
