i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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