Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
