Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
