I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Randomize
