I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
My pussy is not your playground.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
