No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I think my nap took me to another dimension
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
