Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
