Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
