My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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