god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
