I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
