We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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