Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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