the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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