when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
they're like a gay fantastic four
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
