the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
