glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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