We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
