What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
