so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
