in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
