R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
