oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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