the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
