I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
