That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
