i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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