Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
