we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
