we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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