what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Be still, my beating vagina.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
