Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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