In America we eat man semen.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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