she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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