we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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