Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
