So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
