The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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