You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
two words...techno handjob
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
