So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
