These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
