She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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