I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
