Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
