Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
