she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
