And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
