is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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