just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
