I CAN MOONWALK!
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
