i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
