Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
