I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
